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Dealing with your Adult Children
Estranged Children

Dealing with adult children is much like dealing with your spouse.  
You can't change the other's behavior, you can only change your
response to behavior that upsets you.

If you have lost that relationship, and have not spoken in a while,
try to call or send a birthday or greeting card to break the ice.  
Avoid talking about upsetting issues in the initial contact, until
relatedness can be re-established an some pleasant dialog is
possible.


A manipulative adult child

Set some limits and rules that you can live with and then stick to
them.  They may appear to be adults but they may still hold to
the parent-child relationship.  

Say 'no' when you need to.  Its not necessary to explain why.  
Sometimes you must say 'no' for the safety or well-being of your
grand children.

Your adult child is an adult who must make his/her own choices,
you can not make their choices for them or control how they
decide.  Learn to let go.

If you need to write out the rules, do it.   Be calm but firm.

Don't sacrifice your own happiness, health or financial stability for
the sake of others.  After all, if you aren't happy and healthy, the
chances are that you won't be in a position to help anyone else.

Adult Children Moving Back Home

See the above.

Children moving back home can be a mixed blessing, both
emotionally and financially.   Success factors include:

  • He/she pays appropriate rent

  • Gets along with Mom (Dad seems to be less of a factor)

  • Its temporary and happens only once (with each additional
    time, the relationship worsens)

  • The move is based on a clear cut need

  • He/she maintains a good disposition and tries to be good
    company.
Some Good Links